you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i wish my penis had a tongue
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
