batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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