She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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