we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize