I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
