I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize