I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
