he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
