I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
