if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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