So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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