iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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