How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
