I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
