There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
