just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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