Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
