i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
