this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
