Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
