when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
