Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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