Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
