I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
