I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
