I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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