apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
