is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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