i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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