you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
BRING THE BAGELS
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
