I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
