Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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