Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
