He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
