Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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