I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
