Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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