Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
