Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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