im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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