yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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