Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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