xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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