fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
