It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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