When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
