considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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