We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
