I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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