I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
