Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
