i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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