I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
