Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize