I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
