My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize