She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
