he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
