Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
