Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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