..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
