Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
