Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
