I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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