Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
this just has baby written all over it
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
