Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
