I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
