My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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