Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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