So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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