I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
