ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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