my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
