Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
