Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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