So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
