Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
