I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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