How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
