my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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